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How Spider-Man: Homecoming Should Have Ended
Coming Soon TBA Trivia *This marks the first appearance of Miles Morales in How It Should Have Ended Transcript Before the MCU inspired logo, we begin with the clearing up of The Chitauri Invasion from The Avengers and Adrian Tombes is removed from the project. Who do we see in charge of Damage Control? You guessed it, those three scientists from the previous Spider-Man HISHE's. Scientist 1: Looks like we're done. You sure we got all the alien tech? Scientist 2: Yeah, that's probably the last of it. Scientist 3: Here's a bright idea. Why don't you make SURE it's the last of it before you accidentally lose a truckload of alien technology to a potential supervillain just because you were too lazy to safely run this Department of Damage Control Extraterrestrial Salvage Operation! (inhales after saying that mouthful) Scientist 2: UGH, fine! (walks offscreen) Oh look, there is a truck unaccounted-for! Cut to Adrian Toomes getting arrested. Toomes: (being taken downtown) You don't understand. I have a daughter. That makes it okay for me to break the law. I'm not a bad person. Cue Marvel Studios inspired logo... and Spider-Man swings into it at the end. A HISHE Written By The Fans We begin with The Gym Class scene. Ned: Can I be your guy in the chair? Peter: No. Ned: C'mon, let me be the guy in the chair. Thanos: (appearing through a portal) I'M THE GUY IN THE CHAIR! Ned: HOLY CRAP! Peter: WHAT IS THAT?! Ned: IT'S A PURPLE MONSTER MAN! Thanos: THERE CAN ONLY BE OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE!!! Fast forward to the truck fight. Vulture hovers in front of Spider-Man. Spider-Man: Hey, Big Bird, that doesn't belong to you! Vulture charges. Spider-Man jumps over his foe, does a Kamehameha pose and fires a laser into Vulture's forehead, Spider-Man: What-?! Suit Lady, what was that?! Karen: You said to select the ideal web-shooter configuration for this scenario so I activated Instant Kill. Spider-Man: WHY IS THAT EVEN A FEATURE?! I'M FIFTEEN! Fast forward to The Washington Monument Rescue Scene. Spider-Man runs towards The Monument. Spider-Man: Nononono! Karen, what's going on up there?! Suit's Eyes show the elevator, highlighting that "THEY GONNA DIE!" Karen: The Chitauri Core has detonated and caused structural damage to the elevator. Michelle: My friends are up there! Spider-Man: (talking like Andrew Garfield) Don't worry, ma'am, I got this. I'm just gonna climb up from the side and hope there's a way in at the top. Michelle: Or you could just go in the entrance and catch them from the bottom. Spider-Man: (talking normally) Oh yeah, sure. That'd be way easier. You're really smart. Michelle: You sound just like Peter Parker who went missing earlier. Spider-Man: WHAT?! Who's Peter?! I don't know who that is! Thanks for the advice! Well, see ya later! Spider-Man runs in through the entrance (and sets off the security scanner thing), enters the elevator shaft, and makes a safety net to catch the elevator... which it does. Mr. Harrington: Oh, never mind. We're fine. Fast forward to The Boat Rescue Scene. Spider-Man manages to fire weblines to keep the boat from splitting. Spider-Man: How are we doing, Karen? Karen: Great job, Peter. You are 98% successful. Spider-Man: Oh, okay. (fires another webline) Karen: You are now 100% successful. Spider-Man: WOOHOO! The children cheer as Iron Man arrives. Iron Man: Wow. Great job, kid. Fast forward to Vulture threatening Peter in the car. There are three ways this scene should've played out. Toomes: Don't mess with me, kid. I'll kill you and everybody you love. Peter: I love Liz. Toomes raises his eyebrows in shock. Peter: Does that mean you're gonna kill your daughter? Toomes: (silent for three seconds) You win this round, Spider-Man. OR... Toomes: I'll kill you and everybody-. Peter: (grabbing Toomes's arm) Grabyourarm! Toomes: What the-?! Hey! Peter: Hey, do you have super strength? Because I do! Toomes: Let go of me! Peter: It appears that you don't. I mean, that's too bad. This must be really embarrassing for you. Toomes: I said let go-! Peter: (punching Toomes in the throat) Throat Punch! HELP, THIS MAN HAS A GUN AND IS THREATENING MY LIFE! OR... Toomes: Don't mess with me, kid. Peter: Why? Toomes: (turns into Batman) BECAUSE I'M BATMAN! Peter: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?! Fast forward to Happy clearing the last plane shipment of Tony's tech from Avengers Tower. Happy: Okay, we got all of this super valuable Avengers gear packed up and ready to fly! Now, let's just hit the autopilot mode and trust it's gonna make it to the new base without any problems. Cue the return of... Scientist 3: Here's a bright idea. Why don't you make sure someone keeps an eye on all of that gear instead of assuming nobody would wanna hijack and steal everything on this ridiculously expensive cargo plane! Happy: Ugh. Okay, fine Cut to later. We see Vulture break into the plane... only to be greeted by the newly appointed onboard security. Vulture: Oh. Well hiya, fellas. (gets shot to death) Fast forward to Tony offering Peter a place on The Avengers. Tony: I was wrong about you. I think with a little more mentoring you'll be a real asset to the team. Peter: To the team? Tony: Yeah, to the team. (presses a button on his watch to show off the suit Peter will wear in Infinity War) So when you're ready, why don't you try that on and I'll introduce the world to the newest official member of The Avengers, Spi-! Peter: (runs and grabs the new suit) HECK YEAH, MAN! THIS IS WHAT I'VE ALWAYS WANTED! I'M FRIGGIN' SPIDER-MAN! LET'S GO! (runs off) Cut to later in The Super Cafe. Superman and Batman stare at Iron Man. Spider-Man: So now I'm an Avenger! Can you believe it?! It's so awesome! Isn't it awesome?! Superman: Tony, this kid hasn't even graduated. Batman: Is he, uh, dropping out of school to fight crime? Superman: I mean he just can't live with The Avengers. Can he? Iron Man: Sure he can! I gave him a suit and said he's part of the team. So he's part of the team. Spider-Man: Yeah I am! Superman: You gave a TEENAGER a weaponized supersuit! Am I the only one that thinks this is weird? Batman: You didn't even, like, talk to Aunt May about it. Superman: Peter is a minor. This feels like kidnapping. I'm gonna have to take you in, Tony. Iron Man: "Iron Man V Superman". Now, that's a billion dollar idea, but I wouldn't want to publicly destroy you so I'll politely decline. Superman: You-. You can't-. You couldn't destroy me. Iron Man: Do you think I DON'T have Kryptonite Tank Missiles up my sleeve? Superman: Do you? Iron Man: (whispering) F.R.I.D.A.Y., put Kryptonite Missiles on my to-do list please. F.R.I.D.A.Y.: Yes, sir. Iron Man: Guys, listen. He deserves this. He's coming home. This is his home and I'm a great father figure for him. Superman: You are luring a minor to The Avengers and making a replacement Iron Man. Batman: Yeah, he's got the iron suit and everything. Iron Man: No one is replacing anyone. Rhodey: Oh really?! Then how come you put a parachute in the new kid's suit but not my suit that's actually meant to fly, huh?! What's up with that?! Iron Man: That was a design flaw. It didn't occur to me until Spider-Man. Rhodey: Do you have a parachute in your suit?! Iron Man: Uuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhh... Rhodey: You're replacing me, aren't you AGAIN?! Spider-Man: Oh, Mr. Stark, I don't want to replace anyone, y'know. That would just suck. Andrew Garfield: (appearing outside) Yeah, it does suck! Being replaced sucks a whole lot! Tobey Maguire: (outside, crying) Now you know how I feel! Spider-Man: Guys, I'm really sorry. I guess I just feel so lucky, y'know. There's been all these reboots and do-overs but I made it. I'm finally home now. And now I know they'll never replace me. Miles Morales: (outside) Yeah, don't be too sure about that! Cue title as the credits roll. Cut back to The Super Cafe. Michelle is with Batman. Batman: What're you doing here? You're not a superhero. Michelle: I like to sketch people in a crisis. (shows a sketch of Martha Warlock) It's you. Batman: (confused) What the? Michelle: (realizing her mistake) Oops, not that one. (shows a sketch of Ben Affleck) This one. Batman: You're so mean. The end. YouTube outro. Peter unmasks in his bedroom... just as Aunt May shows up. Aunt May: WHAT THE FU-?! Captain America: (throws his shield at May, sending her flying) LANGUAGE! Hello, everyone. I'm Captain America. So you just finished watching a video on the internet but you don't know how to show your support for it. You can start by clicking the like button or the subscribe button if you haven't already. You can even click that little bell to make sure you'll always be part of the notification squad. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go grow a beard. Category:Episodes